I sit here with this blank screen and this blinking mouse, hoping that something will come to my fingers. Beautiful words come not through my head to my hands but straight to my hands. There exists something in this world to compell my fingers to move across this board to spit some ill words but spit they do not. Instead they speak but speak not in English but in some other language. Some cryptic, slang language that flows like water. The fingers dont stop moving and my brain never seizes to process. I will keep writing as long as my mind is racing. Im alone and confused but dont tell him goodbye. Oh shit. The fingers stopped for a sec.

There is nothing I can do
that I can do to move you
it seems like even if i try
and i do
that you dont have a clue
like I am invisible to you
She says "i will call you tomorrow"
but does she call?
Hell No
why?
Because it is me
nobody cares about me
like i dont exist
and i am getiting pissed
i deserve to exist
am i that lousy
shit even this crap is lousy
i just need to keep typing to
satisfy my mental block
get thes words out
as if i was laying my mind uout
on paper for all to read
make sense or not
i deserve to exist
and i deserve to write
because right now that is all i have
these keys
and this screen
run away bitch
dont call me back
i wont call you
because i am a pussy
there is nothing i can do
nothing to do
you wont budge

i think i am going to make this journal for me and my thoughts only
private thoughts for my private eyes
i will update for me and write for me
not to worry about others
what they think or say
will have no effect on my words
or these keys or this screen
shit this is Brian
I am somebody
I just need to ball up
and quit pitying myself
take a deep breath and jump
it cant be that cold
really